Trust is the backbone of our society.
We trust streetlights and drivers when we cross the street. We trust banks and other financial institutions when we give them our money. We trust doctors when we take the medicine they prescribe for us.
Trust is also the foundation for all our meaningful relationships - at work and at home.
Despite its critical importance, we rarely work on our own trustworthiness. Is there more we can do beyond being honest and forthright? In Stephen Covey's Speed of Trust, he shares 13 behaviors to help you strengthen others’ trust in you. Here’s how I interpret the 13 behaviors. Assess them against your own experience and find practical ways to apply them in your life this week:
1. Be honest and let people know where you stand. Don't distort reality or manipulate others. This will help your believability.
Is there someone at home or at work that might benefit from more direct feedback or an honest opinion from you?
2. Show that you care. Consider other people's interests and treat everyone with respect. If other people feel like you're only looking out for yourself, they will distrust you and your motives.
How do the important people in your life know that you care?
3. Be transparent. Avoid hidden agendas. There is a good chance that other people already know what you're not sharing. When you speak the truth, it demonstrates you're not afraid to be candid. This is especially important if the truth is difficult to share.
What are you purposefully not sharing from others (for their sake or yours)?
4. When you wrong someone (hopefully, inadvertently), make things right. Apologize and take action to make the other person feel whole.
Is there anyone who might benefit from an apology? This might be someone you've taken for granted.
5. Give others credit more often and avoid gossiping about or bad-mouthing others. Find ways to promote others in a sincere way.
Whose accomplishment can you help promote this week?
6. Deliver for others and get results consistently. Take ownership of your performance. Don't make excuses. Do the work necessary to get results.
Did you achieve the results you were responsible for at work and at home? If not, what will you do differently?
7. Strive to be the best in your field. Vince Lombardi, a famous American football coach, said, "Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence". The best way to improve is to keep learning and seek out quality feedback. Keep sharpening your saw.
What are you doing this week to improve on your craft?
8. Don't delude yourself. Tackle the real issues and be willing to look at yourself in the mirror. Related to behavior #1, don't distort your own reality. Ray Dalio's Principles book dives into this topic in-depth. The better you a pulse on reality, the better your decisions will be. This behavior dovetails well with being transparent.
What feedback are you hearing from others that you don't believe to be true? That might give you a clue on what you're not willing to admit to yourself. What will you do this week to account for this feedback?
9. Be clear about what you want from others. It's easy for trust to break down when you don’t meet expectations and it's easy to miss the mark when expectations are unclear or not shared. Take time to confirm with others to make sure you're on the same page. Sometimes, we expect those closest to us to read our minds because they should "just know". Expecting people to read your mind is unrealistic.
What are your expectations for the people closest to you and have you clearly communicated these expectations?
10. Take ownership of your actions and stress accountability for all. Don't blame others or make excuses when things don't go your way. Expect others to perform and hold them accountable.
How might you take ownership of the things that went wrong this month? What might you do differently if you held yourself fully accountable?
11. Lead with listening and stay open-minded. When other people are speaking, you may hear their words but if you're holding on to a specific viewpoint, you may block true listening. Trust that you won't corrupt your perspective by considering the opinion of others. Whenever you listen, go beyond the words and figure out what matters to people. Understand the power of leveraging diverse perspectives. Listen more than you talk.
What did you learn in your conversations this week that you didn't already know?
12. Keep your promises. This is hopefully just a reminder for you. When you commit, follow through. When you don't follow through, people trust you less. Don't break confidences - if you're not sure whether you can share something, you probably shouldn’t.
"When you make a commitment, you build hope. When you keep it, you build trust"
- Stephen Covey
How often do you follow through on your commitments? If you've failed to deliver, see behavior #4.
13. Trust others. It's hard for others to trust you when they don't feel like you trust them. Be judicious about whom you trust. However, for the people you do trust, concretely show them that trust. You might, for example, avoid checking in with someone who owes you something to demonstrate that you trust that they will deliver as promised.
How are you concretely showing other people that you trust them?
If you want to assess your trustworthiness with others, you can apply the trust equation. For more ways to build trust, check out 101 ways to build trust.
Photo by Purnomo Capunk
Great article on trust. The points that you listed are very true and helpful to someone struggling with this issue. I like how you explained to be honest and upfront with people. When people have a better idea of where you stand, it can make a lot of situations a lot easier to deal with. -Ryan
Thanks Ryan!