...or at least as long it takes for you to read this article.
Anyway, let's not waste anymore time, we're on a tight schedule.
You're reading this article because there are times when you feel powerless. Maybe you feel powerless right now.
There are many possible reasons -Â you work for a boss that you hate but you just can't quit, you want to start a business but you just can't think of a great idea, you want to get married but you just can't seem to get a date, etc.
Powerless people have one thing in common - they love to use the word "can't". They've used it so often that they don't even notice it anymore but "can't" is a dangerous word.
When "can't" is used, all progress and creativity stops. You are declaring that there is no other solution and that's the way it's going to be.
What's interesting about "can't" is that it doesn't really mean anything on its own. It's merely a shortcut for three possible meanings:
I Don't Want to ...
"I can't go to the concert tonight." = "I don't want to go to the concert tonight, I would rather stay home and relax."
I Don't Know How ...
"I can't speak Russian." = "I don't know how to speak Russian."
I Don't Believe I Can ...
"I can't lose weight." = "Even though I know the method for losing weight and I want to lose it, I don't believe I can lose weight."
Before you read on, test this out. Think of a time when you used "can't" and see if it fits one of those three meanings.
Surprised?
I definitely was. I still remember how excited I was when I tested out the different times I used "can't" and realized it really did fit one of the three meanings.
From that point on, I became aware of my usage of "can't" and began replacing it with the real meaning. I use to think "I can't build my own website. I don't know anything about html or programming." but when I realized what I really meant was "I don't know how to build a website.", it made it clear why I wasn't where I want to be and that I can do something about it. I truly felt empowered. My website and blog are the results of this empowerment.
If you're not where you want to be, ask yourself why not? If your answer contains "can't", is it because you don't want to, you don't know how to or you don't believe you can.
If you don't want to, then that's fine because that's your choice.
If you don't know how, you can choose to learn.
The easiest one of the three to overcome is if you don't believe you can because all you have to do is change your belief which takes about one second and can be done without getting up from your chair.
There you have it with some time to spare. Remove "can't" from your vocabulary today and get ready to make some real progress in your goals and in your life by turning your dreams into possibilities.
Remember: There is really no such thing as "can't".
Thanks Tony. I am glad you enjoy the site.
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I started thinking about how I cant go to graduate school. It doesn’t fit in any of those three categories because the limiting factor is money. Sure I could try for scholarships but money sometimes is another category of cant.
Hi Chelsea,
Thank you for reading this article.
There are people out there without money who go to graduate school. In your case, it is not that you can’t go to graduate school, you just don’t know how to get into graduate school without money. The question is what are you going to do about it? When you remove “can’t”, you are left with options such as making enough money to go to grad school or finding out how to secure a scholarship or perhaps depending on your reasons for going, even self schooling.
If you don’t want to go through the trouble of doing all that, than maybe you don’t really want to go to grad school which is fine because you alone should make the decisions for your life. There are no right or wrong answers.
Let me know if that makes sense.
hi chen.. loved your blog. and nothing is inflated or plain flattery. they make sense and ring with truth, most of all, they can be put to use. great insights. thank u..keep up the good work!
Hi Anita,
Thank you for your kind word and it makes me happy to hear that you found the article useful.
What if you cant walk because your paralyzed from the neck down?
Ryan,
Thank you for your question. If I may, I’ll generalize your question as how does someone who has a physical inability outside of their control fit into the model of this article.
I compare this example to the fact that none of us can fly. We can easily say “I can’t fly” or we can say “I don’t know how to fly in my condition”. We are physically incapable of flying on our own but at the same time, there are people constantly challenging that idea. Whether it’s with airplanes, jet packs or special suits, we can fly.
I don’t see someone who is paralyzed from the neck down as someone unable to walk. I see them as not knowing how to walk while being paralyzed. Perhaps, one day they’ll invent prosthetics that connect to the brain to allow paraplegics to walk.
What really matters is your outlook. People who use “can’t” give up their control of the situation. People who don’t use “can’t”, find ways to overcome.
I hope this helps.
Hey! Thank you for reading my question. I wasn’t meaning to sound sarcastic if I did. My brain usually finds a way to question things. So I was really wanting to know your opinion on that. Thanks again it really helped.
No worries Ryan. It’s great to question things and to be curious. It didn’t come off sarcastic at all. Discussions like these add more value for the other readers of this article. Thank you for making that happen.
I just wanted to say thank you again. Your website really inspired me. It changed the way I think of things. Like I feel like there’s nothing that can stop me from doing what i want to do in life. Your right thought saying you can’t. It really destroys your creativity.
Thanks Ryan. I’m happy to hear that you found this article helpful.
Ok I have a question. What if you can’t dance,sing or draw?
James,
Thank you for your question. Is it that you can’t do those things or you just don’t know how? If you took dance lessons, I believe you’ll be able to dance.
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Thank you Robert for your article on I can’t. I never looked at it in that way. I am lost for what I want to do and everything I think about I get the I can’t do that response. So starting today I’ll be working on removing I can’t from my vocabulary and start using I don’t know how to, I don’t want to or I don’t believe I can. And I won’t just choose one of those three options I’ll work on whichever one I choose. Thank you!!!
Karen – thank you for sharing. This simple shift in thinking has helped me tremendously. It gives me the courage to do things I would otherwise talk myself out of.
Hi Robert, you have avoided to explain how to change a belief by stating “The easiest one of the three to overcome is if you don’t believe you can because all you have to do is change your belief which takes about one second and can be done without getting up from your chair.”
Can you kindly suggest an easy and effective way to change beliefs? Beliefs are deep rooted in sub-conscious mind and therefore the toughest to replace. And you it takes one second. Kindly elaborate and explain
Hi Joy,
Thank you for your question. It sounds like we may have a different definition of the word “belief”. What you suggest as being deep rooted in the sub conscious mind, might be what I consider as “values” which do take time to replace. My definition of “belief” in this article is the conscious decision you make to change how you’re interpreting the stimulus that you’re dealing with.
If you’re open to it, please share a belief you would like to change and I can walk through how I might change that belief. You can email me if you don’t want to share it openly.
Hi Robert, thanks for your response. I didn’t understand what you meant by your definition of “belief”. As per the normally accepted meaning, a belief is a belief. It’s a strong, inner feeling. It is something we hold as being true, like a conviction. If it’s a negative one, it holds us back. If it’s a positive one, it facilitates growth & abundance. Here we are concerned with the negative beliefs. To answer your question and in the context of your article, what resonates with “I can’t” are beliefs like “I am not good enough”, “life is hard”, “one has to work hard to be rich” etc
Can you kindly walk me through to change any of these beliefs? Also I would appreciate if you could provide me your email id. How can I purchase your book, its not in any store, only on amazon though
Hi Joy,
You can contact me through here – https://www.embracepossibility.com/contact/
As for your belief, a question I’ll ask you is what makes your belief true. What are you basing your current beliefs on? We tend to pick up beliefs through our parents, our culture, our teachers and society but they are usually just picked up. There is no evidence backing them up and we feel convicted only because we’ve believed it for so long without challenging why we believe this ideas or truths.
When you say “I’m not good enough.” or “Life is hard.” who says it has to be this way? You have free reign to choose whatever belief you want and this might be difficult for you because you believe that you can’t change your beliefs on a whim. What you believe will act as a filter for how you interpret the world around you. If you believe that one has to work hard to be rich, that’s what you’ll see. You’ll begin to discount lottery winners or those who were born rich.
It’s not easy to think of your beliefs as whims but in some ways that’s what they are. If you look at beliefs as unsubstantiated conclusions, you should choose the beliefs that will make your life easiest because it doesn’t make sense to make it hard.
Here is an example that might help you to think differently – if a stranger tells you that your clothes are ugly, you might brush them off as old-fashion or crazy. If your best friend told you the same thing, you might think twice. At the same time, you may believe your clothes are not ugly at all and you have the choice to choose whichever belief you like. You don’t have to take their beliefs about you as truth.
I’m sorry if this wasn’t very clear. It’s hard to explain something like this without a conversation. I hope it’s helpful to you.
At the current moment, the hardcopy of my book is only available on Amazon.
Hi Robert, there is no point in writing to you through “cotnact me” (as per the link you had sent) because you don’t respond; twice I had written to you. Can you kindly refer to my previous note, wherein I had asked you how to identify the hidden beliefs which govern our lives, and how to remove them. They are so deep rooted that just to know “consciously” that these are merely”made up” or “stories” or “not true” does not help replace them with positive and life enhancing ones. Pls guide.
Joy
Hi Joy,
Please send your email to robert.chen@embracepossibility.com – I didn’t receive your emails through my contact page and I’m not sure why. Also, it does take me a while to respond due to my current workload so please be patient.
As for your previous note, please view my response in the comments section. The key point is to reality test your deep rooted beliefs. Your belief that your beliefs are “deep rooted” is causing you to respond to them in that way. Make believe for a week that your beliefs are not deep rooted. How might you act differently.
l really love your blog and I think this blog of yours will help a lot of people.
Hi Chen this blog if yours it’s super and worth reading keep it up…
Thanks mercy!
Great Article.
Thanks Evans
Wow you truly inspired me.! I am grateful for your wisdom. Now to practice this and make it become a habit for me.
Happy to hear that Justin – all the best to you!
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Ryan, I believe that I have seen an experimental piece of equipment that detects voluntary activity in a persons brain that is then processed through a computer to operate a servo attached to a paralysed persons legs to initiate a leg movement driving the person forward. I hope I have remembered this right. I am deeply sorry if I haven’t but do think it would be worth you making an enquiry through appropriate channels. Being perhaps your GP or a specialist hospital such as national hospital for neurology and neurosurgery London England.
Amazing blog.
Thanks For Sharing.
Read blog on Women’s Empowerment
Thanks Merav!