As my parents have gotten older, I’ve found myself wanting to make their lives easier. I’ll offer to carry things for them, handle tasks they used to do themselves, and even suggest they take it easy instead of pushing themselves too hard. It comes from a place of love—I want to protect them. But recently, I’ve started to wonder: am I actually helping, or am I making them weaker? By doing things for them, am I unintentionally taking away the very things that keep them strong and independent?
And the more I thought about it, the more I realized this isn’t just about aging. It happens in parenting, in leadership, and even in our own personal development. The things we do to protect ourselves and others—avoiding risks, stepping in to help, making things easier—often have unintended consequences. Here’s what I’ve learned about when helping actually hurts.
1. Protecting the Body Can Weaken It
As people get older, they often cut back on physical activity to avoid injuries. On the surface, this makes sense—less movement means fewer chances to fall or strain a muscle. But this avoidance accelerates muscle loss, weakens bones, and reduces balance, making the body even more fragile and prone to injury.
One common example is the decision to move into a home without stairs. While this may reduce the immediate risk of falling, it also removes a built-in way to maintain strength, balance, and mobility. Over time, reduced activity leads to even greater physical decline, making everyday tasks harder and increasing long-term dependence on others.
But aging doesn’t have to mean physical decline. Dr. Keith Baar, a leading researcher in muscle and tendon adaptation, explains how strategic exercise can extend not only how long we live, but how long we stay active and independent. He shares eye-opening, research-backed strategies in the video below that may change the way you structure your workouts:
Instead of avoiding movement, the key is intentional movement—strength training, balance exercises, and mobility work to keep the body resilient. The real risk isn’t moving too much—it’s moving too little.
2. Overhelping Others Steals Their Growth
Parents often do too much for their kids, stepping in to “help” when they struggle. But doing their assignments, fixing their mistakes, and making things easier sends the message that they can’t do it themselves. The short-term win of a better grade or faster solution leads to long-term dependence.
In my work helping parents support their kids, I often remind them: Don’t do your child’s push-ups for them. Just like you can’t do pushups for someone else and expect them to get stronger, you can’t do your child’s homework and expect them to develop real competence. The only way they build confidence and capability is by struggling through the challenge themselves.
Likewise, in the workplace, redoing a colleague’s work might seem like the fastest way to keep things moving, but it prevents them from improving—and it makes you the bottleneck. When people don’t fully own their work, they may start expecting you to step in and fix things, leading them to put in less effort. Instead of striving for excellence, they default to good enough, knowing someone else will catch the mistakes. This creates a cycle where they never fully develop, and you end up carrying more responsibility than you should.
3. Playing It Safe at Work Limits Your Growth
At work, many people stick to tasks they already know they can do well. They avoid taking on unfamiliar projects, leading new initiatives, or pushing for a promotion—not because they’re incapable, but because they fear failure or embarrassment. Yet avoiding risk doesn’t keep you safe; it keeps you stuck.
One of the biggest mistakes professionals make is waiting for the “right” time to take risks in their careers. But as Carla Harris, Vice Chairman of Morgan Stanley Wealth Management, explains below, growth happens when you step up before you feel fully ready. The best opportunities don’t come when you’re 100% prepared—they come when you’re willing to bet on yourself.
One way professionals unintentionally hold themselves back is by refusing to delegate. Many believe, It’s faster if I just do it myself, but this thinking keeps them trapped in routine work rather than focusing on higher-level projects that would advance their careers. Delegation isn’t just about efficiency—it’s about creating the space to work on what truly moves the needle.
How This Applies to You
At the heart of these examples is a simple truth: Growth requires discomfort.
- Muscles grow when they are pushed beyond comfort.
- Kids become independent when they struggle and figure things out.
- Professionals advance when they take risks and own their work.
If you want to improve yourself (and help others do the same), resist the urge to overprotect, overhelp, or over-control. Instead, ask:
👉 Where am I avoiding discomfort in a way that’s holding me back?
👉 Am I stepping in because it’s truly best for them, or because it’s easier for me?
👉 Am I prioritizing short-term ease over long-term growth?
Real progress happens when we let go of the safety nets that keep us stuck. The next time you’re tempted to take the easier route, consider whether it’s actually keeping you (or someone else) from getting stronger. If you want to go fast, take the easy path. But if you want to go far, embrace the challenge.
Photo by Claudio Schwarz
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